Lately I've felt my mind slipping away from me. I find myself making poorly thought out decisions, taking longer than necessary to make the simplest of choices and overall my mind just feels dull. After constant frustrations at myself and causing much frustration for my wife I have finally decided to face this mental lapse head on. After thinking about what could be the underlying cause of this I have come to the conclusion that something has been missing in my life this past year. Stimulation. After graduation I just checked out on everything that I used to be so passionate about. I used to go to classes everyday hungry to learn something new about the world of film, to glean some new bit of information from my incredible professors. I would sit in awe of the beauty before me as a thought provoking film played out before my eyes and then rush home to ponder its meaning and search through its images for hidden themes.
No more. Nowadays I simply go everyday to a job that stresses me out and makes me feel like I'm trapped in limbo. I force a smile with every customer and coworker when all I want to do is run out of the building screaming. I can literally feel the life being sucked out of me everyday. Now add in the fact that after moving to Rochester I have to drive over an hour each way to reach this job and I lose a total of 12 hours of my life to monotony. When I get home I feel absolutely no ambition or desire to do anything more than simply sit on the couch and turn off. I come home to eat, sleep, and repeat. I don't want to allow my brain to turn to mush when there are so many things out there that I am passionate about that can stimulate me in so many ways. All I need is a little ambition to explore them on my own. After graduating I can no longer rely on my professors to open my mind and expose me to new things. I have to become my own teacher and bring about change myself.
I won't sit around and allow myself to detach from the world any longer. I will use this outlet my wonderful wife has discovered to expand my mind and open myself to new avenues of thought. This may come in the form of film reviews, thoughts on books recently read, or simply my feelings on issues and events happening around me. I hope that I don't ramble, I tend to do that if allowed, and I hope that you find some inspiration and entertainment in my musings as I take this journey into self motivated discovery.
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